I didn't understand this today Lord but I put it in your heands. I am not able to handle this Lord so I put it in your hands. I am not able to remain objective about this Lord so I put it in your hands.
Today I encountered a full case of do unto others as you want others to do unto you. Last night I let someone have it and in turn today somebody let me have it.
In plain simple terms I had to learn to suck it up. I had to learn to not be offended by it and kep my mouth zipped. It did not feel nice. It hurt as hell and it still sucks. Its left this deep empty hollowness inside of me.
When I think about it now I realise its exactly like how Pastor preached it yesterday. About the attitude of the heart. Someboy had a change of heart towards me as a result of a complete misunderstanding and a misguided attempt on my part.
I really should have just kept my mouth shut. Note to self, next time just keep quiet.
Now today when I think about it I'm analsing my character. Did I really do what I am being blamed for? Was it really my fault. I can see partially that yes it blew out of proportion but how much of it was my fault?
The original incident or the most recent one? How could I have prevented it?
Thats easy I should have kept my mouth shut.
But did I contribute to the original incident?
Could I have avoided it?
What does it say about me as a person, my character? How did I react? What does it say about me now?
How does that potray my attitude? Do I need to change my attitude? Do I need to change my heart? How do I guard my heart?
What happens now?
Lord teach me to trust in you. Show me your way. Lead me in your truth but most importantly Lord be glorified in my situation today.
For my good or not let it be for your glory.
I feel stink. I feel like crawling into a hole and not coming out of it. I feel like running away but running away is what got me here in the first place. I can't keep running away.
Lord teach me to trust that even if you don't work it out and if my head gets rubbed in the soil even more that you will take care of me. No matter what!
Song that comes to mind:
Today, I'm leaving all my troubles behind.
I'm letting go I'll follow the line.
