Buying free books

So Aymie got herself the ipad 4 making me ever so want my own tablet. With Kee going on and on about his everyday, so not helping. So totally want my own now. On a separate note I have bought  more than 500 free books on amazon. So addictive yet so nice and pretty good books too. So happy with my purchase. Happy to be able to read them on my computer but it would be splendid just having my own tablet to read it.  sigh*

Does it again

And he does it again. I spent all morning calling the immigation office because they had only sent my passport down and not Jaydon and Jitoko's. Having to deal with unanswered phone calls and phone's slammed at me while I was still talking. In my frustration I walked outside thanked God and called to tell Jitoko the bad news to have him tell me that it was coming down today, his tavale had called to tell him. Moments like these you knwo that it was all out of my control. It was all God and he is forever faithful. Always and forever blowing us away with his goodness over and over again.

In the middle of it all

This song came to mind this morning in the middle of all this passport drama.
We've been waiting 3weeks to get our passports back for them to call last Friday to say I shouldn't be using Cherie because its not in my birth certificate to find out that after I fixed that up that they lost my new birth certificate. In the middle of all this frenzy I had to lean on God and know that only God could fix this. For a moment there I thought about complaining about these people to just releasing it. A few calls later the guy in the Lautoka office told me we will receive it tomorrow.
All glory be to God he lifted me up
He lifted me up I know
He reached out his hands and he lifted me up
And that's why I love him so
I walked into the office this morning praying that God would somehow make a way because I had made up my mind that one way or another we were going for this wedding and he did as always he just blows us away with his goodness, with his faithful with his grace.Lord I say thank you.
In the middle of my writing the Naviti Resort walked for their Christmas carolling. Wish I had my camera but it totally made my day. Now to check out the goodies they brought for morning tea. I just love love love this Tourism industry tradition that I found out about last year.

Kind Reminder

This work had been done with the help of our God.' Nehemiah 6:16 NIV

I found this verse today and I must say it was a great reminder that if I am anything today its because of God. If I am to get anything or have anything done or if there is something I need it will only be done because of and through God. A kind reminder that it is all because of him so here I am today putting this situation with our passports, the situation with the need for us to apply for our visas now, the finances, the dates everything into his hands and asking him to take care of it but most importantly trusting that he is God, he is able, he is for me and he will take care of it. Right down to the problems of the auto login that I am having. Only by him will I be able to get it sorted. only because of him. Reminds me of that preaching from a few weeks ago in Psalms 118 - Lord you are good and your mercy endures forever. Reading it one time means its important but having it repeated numerous times in a verse teaches us the need to be constantly reminded of God's goodness and constantly reminded of his mercy and an allusion to trusting him for our good. 
one other thing that I am learning for the reading today is that even though Nehemiah prayed and God answered, it took 52 long years before the wall was actually built. That should say alot of answered prayers and growth in leadership and perseverance and waiting on God to move. Something I need to apply in my life. 

Yahoo traps

Typo error on yahoo...too funny. Should have been trips not traps
Tourist Traps

Its been a month

Its been a month since my last post. A very stressful, full of changes month but a month nontheless. A month since uncle Dinesh's passing, a month since mum and dad went and came back from New Zealand. A month since aji's one year. A lot happens in a month. I completed and released the the cm project. We've signed up some new clients and for some reason the auto link page stopped working. Even though I keep stressing with Resonline that we haven't done any changes on our end and the only changes that took place was on their end but sigh....ok breath....thinking out loud here...time to just pray and hand it over to God.
A month since Jini and I had that tiff where she completely stopped talking to me. In a month its been decided and about to happen that she will be going to look after aunty Kamal. In a month's time we are supposed to be at a wedding in NZ but I can't seemed to get the papers together to get it sent and processed. A month ago I was waiting for Lily's wedding which is now next week. A month ago we were going in and out of Natabua for Sunday night tea then I found out they were practically talking about us the minute we walked out of there. Now I'm just keeping my distance. Took me two weeks to release and walk away from it but there was all that anger and hurt and unforgiveness that I had to deal with. A lot can happen in a month. What will it be like one month from today? I wonder!

For our God

Romans 8:28 says "All things work together for the good of them that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose."
That all things work together for our good. That if I love God that one sure thing I need to hold on to is that he works it out for our good. That it is all part of being called according to his purpose. I may not see the good. I may not see how it could work for our good but I have to trust that every single thing God allows because its all part of the big picture and every single that he allows it because he is working through it for our good. Where is the good, when is the good. I do not know but if he says it then I must believe it and that settles it. Everything else in between is all part of the process. I say process because I understand process from a programming perspective the process is the main part. Its where you make sense of every part. Once you have identified the process then you know which part goes where and what to do next. With God I may not see the process but I have to understand that its all part of the process. The big picture and then I only the small pieces, God the programmer knows what fits where and how it all gets put together. Me the product I have to wait for him and on him and trust that as the maker he knows what he's doing and only he can finish the product.
What about the part about being called for his purpose. What does being called according to his purpose mean. What is his purpose? What is his purpose for us? Are we living our lives according to his purpose? What are the chances of being called by him and yet not living according to his purpose?

New Beginnings

Can't help thinking about our conversation in the car yesterday. There is a huge possibility that we may be living but it is all dependent if his boss's boss's proposal is approved. Kind of happy, sad, worried idea yet excited about the new possibilities and challenges that will come with it. I mean to the other side of the Pacific, I must be crazy but it brings rise to my dream to work from home and take care of Jaydon, yes half way to the other side of the world but we can have mum and dad come over every now and then. I mean now we know for sure that dad can travel so the possibilities are definitely there. On the other hand this whole burning desire to plant a church maybe the timing before wasn't right but now. Again totally blown away by the possibilities. Jitoko doesn't want to pray about it because he reckons if it is God's will than he will let it happen. But here I am of the belief that if you want something strongly pay it into existence or believe it into existence  So here it is Lord. Here I am send me. If this is your will then open this door for us and make it happen. Yes its a big change but you'll be there with us, taking care of us and directing us. Nothing better then knowing that we are moving with you and for you and by you. So if this is your will Lord. I am ready to plant a church for you right up there. Jaydon and I can come in and out of Fiji, Australia and New Zealand just like I've always dreamt it and we can have mum and dad over every 3months and even have the kids over on holiday. Wow....already excited thinking about it.

So not Fair

He's making me choose between the iphone 5 or a tablet.
Why can't I just have both please since you're getting them at almost two for the price of one kind of thing. And that too its a christmas and birthday gift. Hello! it makes more sense to get a tablet now and the the i5 for my birthday....grrr...

Commitment

I was reminded today that people will put in the convenient commitment and others my put in the limited commitment but requires me to put in my full commitment all because he wants to bless me. For the past couple of weeks I've been whining, moaning and groaning about how people are not contributing, how its always coming out of our pockets and how I was really just getting fed-up and ready to throw in the towel. I think I even mentioned to hubby that this was the last time I was ever spending and he in his ever so rebuking way gently reminded me that some sacrifices need to be made, that I can't complain if I want God to bless us and its all part and parcel of what God has called us to and as always he was so right:

2 Corinthians 9:8

King James Version (KJV)

⁸ And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work:

So God has made everything available to me so why am I not receiving it? because I'm always waiting for somebody to sow first. If somebody else sows then they'll reap it. So I need to sow it myself and sow it without complaining because if I'm complaining then I'm definitely not sowing. So God will provide me with everything I need plus plenty left overs to share with everyone but only as long as it is flowing through me, the moment it stops flowing through me it stops flowing to me. The other phrase is a real thinker: "Treasure in heaven is laid up as long as on earth is laid down" As long as I keep thinking about all that money and energy I spend and how it will not be coming back I will not be receiving but as long as I keep seeing it as a means to bless to be blessed it will continue flowing and overflowing. That's the key to overflow and that's exactly what Jitoko's been talking about all this time. We need to release, we need to bless, we need to let it go because as long as we keep stressing over how we spend it and how it will be gone and where its going and not coming back its actually becoming out God. Ok. I get it now God. Teach me to remember that you are my source and my supply and that you will take care of me and my cup will only overflow, my storehouses will only bust out of the doors if I remember that and remember that you have given me exactly what I need to get the job done with more than enough left over to let it flow over to others. 

To do with my lil two

Found this homemade gummy recipe as well as this frozen jello recipe that I can't wait to try out with my lil one:

what you need

1-1/3

cups   boiling water, divided

1

pkg.   (3 oz.) JELL-O Strawberry Flavor Gelatin

1

pkg.   (3 oz.) JELL-O Berry Blue Flavor Gelatin

1

pkg.   (3.4 oz.) JELL-O Vanilla Flavor Instant Pudding

2

cups  cold milk

make it

ADD 2/3 cup boiling water to each flavor gelatin mix in separate small bowls; stir 2 min. until completely dissolved. Pour each flavor gelatin into separate 8x4-inch loaf pan sprayed with cooking spray. Refrigerate 1 hour or until firm.

UNMOLD gelatins; cut into 1/2-inch cubes. Beat pudding mix and milk in medium bowl with whisk 2 min. Add gelatin cubes; stir gently.

SPOON into 8 (5-oz.) paper cups. Insert wooden popstick into center of each. Freeze 4 hours or until firm. Peel off cups before serving.

kraft kitchens tips

SUBSTITUTE

Substitute 2 cups softened vanilla ice cream for the prepared pudding.

NOTE

Place any leftovers in airtight container; freeze up to 1 month.

SUBSTITUTE

Substitute JELL-O White Chocolate Flavor Instant Pudding for the Vanilla Flavor Instant Pudding.

Gummies : 

Also following on some ideas for his birthday party:

Fruity lemonade Pops:

Cookie & Cream pudding pops:

Chocolate Peanut Butter Parfait:

Rocky Road parfait:

Bear the burden of

I've been such a hypocrite. Had a big deal and then today opened my devotional to find this:
“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.” (Romans 15:1 NIV)
Whoa! yes my word for today. What does that mean? It basically means that I am such a doosh and a big hypocrite and so false I need a hiding as I like to say about people. So alright I'm foolish now what?
I swallow my pride, suck it in and go back and try to help my loved ones who need the help instead of constantly judging them criticising them and putting them down. I guess I needed to hear this and I need to do something about it. I need to be more understanding and more careful of my words. I need to not be judgemental or hasty. I need to be patient and forbearing of their burdens. I need to be praying more. Admit that I've got it wrong sometimes too. But I think the most important of all patient and loving and faithful in bearing of burdens.
I like this phrase and I've often tried it but I think I need to step it up a notch and not just to people who I choose to but with everyone and anyone:
When we see others straying from the faith, instead of judging them, we can look past their “faulty” appearance and try to understand the reason for their drift from the faith.
Lord teach me to address the needs and the concerns you reveal to me rather them condemning and cursing them to leave them trapped in their sin. As I release today. As I forgive and set free, deal with this for me as I hand it over to you. help them overcome by the word of the Lam and their testimony just like you overcame Jesus. So I guess like Paul and James I who am strong in courage need to take my courage to the weak. 
I think this is the eye opener: 

Gal 6:1	¶	Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
	Gal 6:2		Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

So first restore in meeknees and then bear burden of. Ok need to try that out and see how it works.

Romans 15:2 Please your neighbour for his edification and not yourself. 

We prepare ourselves to “lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, ‘How can I help?’” (Romans 15:1-2 MSG).

We encourage people to accept their individuality (be themselves) and yet reject individualism (living for themselves). Christ accepted us, and that encouraged us toward spiritual maturity; now we can reflect the heart of Jesus by offering acceptance to others.

New fan

Now a fan of Priyanka's song. Yup...maybe its because of will-am but its definitely one of those feel good tunes that Vin calls it. Don't like Priyanka the actress but definitely a fan of Priyanka the artist.

Also love love love Jay Sean. Another one of those feel good tunes. Definitely setting the pace for the weekend.

Do not be afraid

The word of the Lord came to Abram...saying, "Do not be afraid."' Genesis 15:1 NKJV
(Inspired by the word for Today)
Like Abram God said pick up and move. I moved and now I realise that every time I am about to do something or I think of doing something I go back to over analysing and then I start worrying about what people will say or do and I become afraid. Jitoko made me realise that when he said to me well then stop trying to please them. them who? I realised I was trying to make everybody happy and in the end making myself sad.
"I will make you a great nation and I will bless you. I will make your name great and you will be a blessing" God's promise to Abram. He said I will not you will but I will. Its not by my efforts but God's. he will do everything if I will only believe. If I will only trust him. If I will not be afraid. I realise that all this time I was trying to do everything when all God told me to do was go. So here I am Lord for your glory. Do it and I will trust you.
Abram left as the Lord had told him. notice his Abram not Abraham yet. All he had to do was leave and God would do the rest. The writer of this devotional mentions that all our fears come down to two main points. Lord will you protect. Lord will you provide. I trust God that he will protect but most often I fall into the category of Lord will you provide? Will you really provide? Will you make a way where there is no way? Today I learnt that yes God will provide. Even when I had absolutely no cent on me he somehow provided a way. He made it happen that I enjoyed lovely chicken curry that my dearest thought of bringing for me with the little he had. God's being showing me that he can bring us down to nothing just to show us that we have been so dependent on money and our jobs when all he wants us to do is be dependent on him. To totally surrender everything to him and learn to trust him daily. I literally learnt the mana from heaven on a daily basis like the Israelites received on a daily basis. Morning by morning, day by day he's been teaching me this week that its gotta be his way and on his provisions and on his timings and not mine. Yes I have debts to pay, I have bill piling up but right now when I have no where to look to or go I know that I will go to him and trust in him. I have no idea who he will provide but I know he will. I just have to trust him and even if he doesn't its ok.
In Abram case God addressed both with: "Do not be Afraid. I will be your shield and your very great reward." He didn't just say great reward but he said very great reward. A very great reward. Not just as reward. How big is a very great reward? It must be real big thats for sure.
'I am your unfailing, inexhaustible, ever increasing source of supply.' 
If that is what he says than that is exactly what I will expect because he is my ever increasing source of supply. 
The final words of the devotional: 
You don't have to go to anybody else for protection or provision; God's got you covered! And notice what happened next. God entered into a covenant with Abraham (Genesis 15:18); He said to him: 'I'll take care of you and your descendants as long as you live.' But there was a problem. 'Then birds of prey came down on the [sacrifice], but Abram drove them away.' (Genesis 15:11 NIV) There's a lesson here. Even though God has promised to take care of you, you must drive away the worries Satan sends to prey on your mind. How do you do that? By standing squarely on the promises God has made to you in His Word. Amazing! Just amazing....thats our God. I will stand on that today knowing that my God will take care of me and my descendants. He will keep his promises if I will only believe. 

Who does that?

Who does that?
Tell me who does that?
Nobody I'm sure.
Lord please forgive me and cleanse me and clean me and set me apart for your glory today.
If this is your will for us Lord then let your will be done in our lives.
If this bring you glory Lord than you be glorified through our lives and our situation today
In Jesus name
A memorable moment last night:
Me to Jaydon: Jaydon when was the last time we had devotion? hmm? Can you remember.
He climbs down the bed and onto the mattress on the floor.
I carry on with what I am doing and then later I hear a Jesus ame amen...aaahhh
Thats when I'm all ears. Again he does it. Then he grabs the father's hand. Daddy han han...asking for Jitoko's hand. He prays ana babab aa jesus ame(Jesus name) Amen. Aahhh....then he comes to me...mummy han han...asking for my hand while holding the father's...alanana Jesus ame amen....the Jitoko goes to hime pray for nena and pa...he turns around again holding our hands anama aaa mummy, daddy jesus ame amen....oh...shucks...melted my heart.

Purpose

Found this reading today on purpose. Made me think about what is my purpose? What did God bring us down here for? How does it affect my purpose? How does it affect my family both immediate and extended.

The thing about this article that really spoke to me was its about the journey and not so much about the destination. While the destination is important, we get so focused on the destination that we forget to just enjoy the journey. Going in line with what we have gone through this week I can't help thinking life is a journey. Our destination is either heaven or hell but we need to prepare well for the journey and the journey ahead is important, while it determines where we are heading it is as equally important because along the way we must stop and pick people up to take them with us. What an analogy, I guess that was one of the reasons I started looking forward to the trip to Suva tomorrow, the destination is not as important to me as there are places we can go see and things to do while I am there but the journey being the people I am going with and will be taking with us and places we will be stopping along the way, I think that is what I am looking forward to.

7 from Germany

My blog stats show 7 from Germany. Who's reading my blog from Germany I can't help wondering. Fascinating! Well I'm going to put a lock on all that online buying. Too much stuff. But I have to admit that swaddle blanket and headbands I got for niece were absolutely gorgeous. If only I could open them up and wrap it around my face. I hope they like it. Makes you wanna have a baby girl. But no time for babies just yet. Let us just settle in,buy a house then yes definitely on my mind, a playmate for my lil boy. We're off to Suva tomorrow. Somewhere at the back of my head I dread the travelling and coming back in one day but then I realise that its a good outing so might as well make the most of it. First on my list of things to look for are my sushi rolls. Bloody chinese shops in Lautoka don't even sell them except for that $8.50 one in the mall which keeps breaking apart. Three weeks of anxiously looking for sushi rolls is driving me insane. This has got to stop soon. Taking the change team for an outreach that Harry is having at his brother's church. Not sure why we're going or what we're going to be doing but looking forward to hopefully stopping at Bose's, in Caubati, picking tv series from William, pick up some streamers from Cost U Less for deco for Pedro's engagement. I think they're rushing it, they haven't even thought about the future but I am looking forward to all that decorating and the trifle that I will be making for it. Should I do a trial run? My trifles have always come out good before, I'll just leave it for the day. On a separate note so this beautiful cloud covering on the mountains on my way to work this morning wish I had packed my camera to capture it. it was glorious. Gave me a deep revelation of the glory of God hovering over us. His arms enveloping us. I guess his constant reminder of his promise that he will take care of us. I will hold on to that today in the middle of everything that we are going through I will trust in him my refuge and my fortress and ever present help in time of need.

Blog Browsing

Was randomly blog browsing today. Not that I planned it or anything but I really enjoyed reading through a number of the blogs that I came across. Alot inspiring, a number of them thought provoking and mostly creative stuff. Why do I blog? Well I have been thinking about it lately and I would say as a programming I consider myself a writer. its possible that at some point in my life I wanted to be writer. With my English and teaching skills I suppose it was bound to happen but just don't have the time and the resources to sit and write a book like most authors do. What would I write about? I think my life has a whole lot of things to write about. From birth right until today but I think mainly my experiences and how my relationship with God kept me sane and going all my life. Blogging has helped me unclutter my brain of all thank junk that brings me programmers block. Yeah similar to writer's block I get programmer's blog. I can't code until my brain is empty. There have been moments that programming has helped me unclutter all that garbage but most often then not I've found that nothing comes to mind when I am trying to write code and mostly because so much is in my mind. Crazy as it may seem, its happened and over and over again. It somehow dawned on me while blog browsing that the blogs that I have subscribed to or commented on which I couldn't help doing will one way or the other make my blog public. I've managed to keep it quiet and to myself all these years I have to seriously think about whether I am ready to go public, whether I am ready for people I know to invade my thoughts like this. Its inevitable but just hoping that it doesn't happen immediately.

Birthday Cake Idea

Who's birthday is coming up so that I can try out this idea. Looks real easy. Just wanna give it one test shot to decide whether or not to use for Jaydon's birthday. Yes months away but always good to start planning early. Following Torika's tradition I will do everything myself. She told me first cake someone else to do but the rest you do. So I did Jaydon's second birthday cake, now to decide what to do for the big 3. Yup only 6months away. Alot of great ideas on Piniterest which by the way is just way too addictive by the time I realise it my entire time is spent on that site but Love love love it.
Ice Cream cone cupcake recipe:

Yet to decide whether I will have it as one of those cakes or the main cake. Will try then decide

Web services I'm starting to hate you

ahhhhh...really struggling with this web service. Attempting to call a web service inside of a web service that has an array that is just ....argh...been sitting and waiting for something to fall out of the skies for the last two days but real unfortunate. Well I shouldn't complain I've moved past the first bug and now into the second one and the forums have no idea what I am asking its so irritating. maybe its just because I am too stressed. Kicking myself right now because I was prompted 3 times yesterday to pray for uncle. Even right at 11am our time and I just pushed it to the back of my head. So agonising. The other night when the storm started and the lightning and the thunder and the heavy torrential rain and I was actually dreaming of the rain washing the car of the slopey driveway that's why I woke up. While awake a thought came in to my mind that uncle would die and then I thought of daddy and prayed for daddy instead. Same thing happened in the morning when getting dressed for work. I pushed it aside again and prayed for dad. When we were travelling down to Nadi this deep dark foreboding feeling settled on me so I grabbed Jitoko's hand to pray and just didn't know what to pray for. So I prayed for us. I prayed mostly for Jaydon and I don't know why until I got home last night and found a very restless cranky little boy we had to stop over at mum's for a while for him to settle down and then he didn't sleep so we headed home and he was wide awake. He woke up numerous times in the middle of the night really cranky. I just had to tell mum he sensed everyone's pain. Would it have made a difference if I had prayed right there and then? Would he still be alive today? Will I ever be able to let go of this? Where is his soul now? How can I tell aunty Kamal he is in a better place when I myself don't know where he has gone? Death is so hard. Its been such a long time since we've had people die but now people are dropping dead everywhere and its so difficult for the family. I think about Pastor Pita Cili's message about Jesus standing at the door and knocking. The difference being Jesus waits for us to welcome him in where as death will just come in whether you are ready or not. We take death so lightly even as Christians we feel that we have all the time in the world to go and minister to someone and all the time in the world to go and pray for someone. We forget that it could just be in an instance. Going back to that image of Jesus standing at the door and knocking, he gives us time to answer. He waits for us. He keeps knocking. Days turn into nights, nights turn into weeks, weeks turn into months but he will still be knocking even if his hands get bruised and start bleeding he continues knocking. Death on the other hand waits for no man!

Goodbye Uncle Dinesh

To my uncle where ever you are today, I know you are not in pain but we are sad that you had to go that way. We will surely miss you. To my aunty I love you and would do anything to be there with you right now but I pray that God will see you through this sad time, that he will give you peace, comfort you even as it causes you to miss aji even more I pray that God will meet with you and minister to you during this time of need that if anything he makes himself known to you today. One year ago you lost your mother like this and now your husband. All that money in the world could not conquer death. I pray that God will take car of you regardless of what happens after this.

One Year Memorial into a funeral

Our family was supposed to have had a family reunion next weekend.
Instead they will be cremating my uncle this weekend. Its so heartbreaking.
I had that feeling at the back of my head when I woke up this morning. I just prayed for dad and then pushed it away. I thought about it exactly two hours ago and pushed it away again to be told it was 2hours ago that he passed. Oh God help me. There's all this emotions running wild right now but the top most is that it it happened again. I am always the last to know these things in the family and even when I heard it I didn't take it seriously. Life is so short. We keep forgetting that anyone of us can go any day but we pushing it to the back of our heads leaving it to the next day. Now my heart is broken for aunty Kamal. How is she coping? Will she be ok? Is she ok? Oh gosh. Lord I would do anything to be there right now. Absolutely anything father, please help my family today. Wherever they are, everywhere, whatever they are going through, in everything Lord cover them today. Another soul lost Lord show me what to do now father. Comfort my family today.

My Oh My: What's been cooking in the art room

I have to try this, if not on Saturdays with Jaydon then atleast on Sundays during Church.

My Oh My: What's been cooking in the art room: 3rd Grader's are currently making their Witch legs. They aren't done yet, so be sure to check back for the finished product! 1s...

Home made Paint Recipe

A friend of mine shared this on Facebook and I can't wait to try it. Saves me heaps of lavos (money) and time roaming around the whole of Lautoka looking for paints.

 Also I get to test it out with this cool Idea. Newer ways to make our saturdays more creative. Just mummy and sonny days.
Salt, White Glue & Paint Creativity

Divided Against oneself

Somebody posted this on Facebook weeks ago. I had copied it out and pasted it in my outlook and only found time to really sit and read it today. its real good. Thought provoking.

Two main points that I like about what the writer raised. We sit and watch our lives pass us by as if its a movie that we are watching acting like we are not in control of our lives, we can't do what we want as if we are watching someone else's life in play before us but its time we got up and made decisions for ourselves and made a move on it. 

God works for our good in cooperation with the decisions we make and the acts that we do. Amazing!Comes back to what Jitoko's being saying to me all week that I haven't been wanting to take heed of. Also what I have been thinking about people who are hard working and meticulous with their lives, time and work.  Do something about it. Do it to the best of your ability. Do it as if it were being done unto God but don't just sit there and wait for the heavens to fall on you make a move and make it happen.- atleast the first step.

From who to marry to Friday night plans, why our generation has such a hard time setting anything in stone.

When I was 23 years old I found myself sitting on the fence in a long term, off and on relationship. I had one foot in, the other foot out, and I was literally filled with anxiety as to what decision to make. Should we stay together? Should we break up? Am I ready for marriage? What if she’s not the one? What if she’s the one and I make the wrong choice? What if I miss out on my vocation by staying in this relationship? Like many of you, I had all these paralyzing “what if” questions swirling around in my mind. Then one day as I was standing in the office of a co-worker lamenting about my dilemma, my co-worker slowly began to tell me the story of the double-minded person that the scriptures write about in James 1:6-8:

“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”

The imagery and text call to mind someone who is “to be divided against oneself” or who “wavers.” My inability to make a decision and act on it, left me feeling tossed back and forth in the ensuing tumultuous waves of indecision. That is how I felt. I was a person who was living life never quite fully committed to any course of action, but continually making non-committal decisions.

When we live in an anxious fear of making wrong decisions in our lives we aren’t able to constrain them to just one aspect of our life, but they tend to bleed into other areas of our existence. As I work with young adults in ministry and counseling two aspects of decision-making have reared their head more prevalently.

First, too many choices seem to paralyze many people from making a decision. Author Barry Schwartz in his book The Paradox of Choice writes about the anxiety that accompanies even buying jeans these days:

AT THIS POINT, CHOICE NO LONGER LIBERATES, BUT DEBILITATES.

“At this point, choice no longer liberates, but debilitates…But clinging tenaciously to all the choices available to us contributes to bad decisions, to anxiety, stress, and dissatisfaction—even to clinical depression.”

Second, there is a fear of missing out on something. Last year MTV did a poll of 13-30 year olds and their web habits and came up with the term FOMO (fear of missing out) after reviewing the findings. There is a constant feeling in our culture that we might be missing out on something better, therefore, we rarely commit to a decision that we can’t back out of if something better comes along.

When we live life in fear of making the wrong decision or of missing out on something, it robs us of being able to be present not only with others, but with ourselves. We constantly live in a future state of “what if” that keeps us never rooted in the present.

Why do we often find it so difficult to make a yes or no decision as Jesus encourages us to do, instead opting to waffle back and forth in fear of making the wrong one? What can you do differently to combat the fears and make decisions?

There is no easy answer to these questions. Acting decisively in the fear of making the wrong choice, or in the fear of missing out takes practice. And it takes being okay with failing at times. But here are some recommendations that I practice not only with my clients and the people I serve in ministry, but that I daily try to exercise in my own life.

WE CONSTANTLY LIVE IN A FUTURE STATE OF “WHAT IF” THAT KEEPS US NEVER ROOTED IN THE PRESENT.

First, commit to being more intentional in your life. Decide not to sit back and be a passive observer in your life, as if you have no say in matters. Don’t expect a vocation, relationship, spiritual life, et cetera to just happen automatically. You need to commit to being purposeful and take action.

Second, practice experimenting with your options. Instead of finding or waiting for the perfect option to always come along, just make a choice. Experiment with that option. Most of our daily decisions that we get stuck on are not life and death. And it is these decisions that can become the practice ground and foundational building blocks for making more difficult ones later in life. You don’t know how to make a decision to marry/not marry a person if you have never practiced making lots of other little decisions along the way.

Third, wrestle with God. One of the most perplexing verses in the New Testament for me is Romans 8:28 where Paul says:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I don’t understand the mystery of that passage, and how things are worked out for our good. But I do know that the Greek word in the passage for “works” conveys the idea of cooperation or working together. I am a participant in my life, therefore, I must make decisions. I don’t believe that God asks me to understand the intricacies or outcome of every little decision I make, but I do believe He has called me to participate with Him.

The Bible is full of stories about people who were faced with making tough decisions without knowing how they would play out. My hope for you is that you wed together spiritual practices (prayer, scripture reading, community, silence, et cetera) that strengthen your discernment and resolve to act when decisions come up in your life

I Won't Give up on us

Song stuck in my head by Jason Mraz.
I must admit I do wonder if he is a christian but even if he is not  the words are just inspiring:

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Why am I a programmer

Testified the other night about why I loved my programming so much thought I might as well put a few thoughts or two about it in writing. I love my programming because its not just fully using all my brain power. its not just creating something about nothing. Its about faith and trusting in God each and every time I get stuck. Its about waiting on God to show me where to look, what to look at and how to do it. Its about God and that phrase again "making a way where there is no way" Its true. Time and time again he is making it, opening it, showing me. I get to speak and hear from him first hand. And most often I stand or should I say sit in awe of him because right there in the middle of it all he was faithful and totally blew me away with his awesomeness. He made it happen and all I can sit there and say is its was God. It was only because of him. it was him. He was faithful and he does it over and over again never ceasing to fail me. Always always always coming through and all I have to do is wait for him to move heaven and earth just for me. Amazing!

Am I going or not?

Heard things with aunty Kamal and uncle Dinesh are not so good. Ever since knowing they were supposed to adopt me a part me me goes out to them for the circumstances surrounding that not happening. Alot of things would have been different. Possibly no Jitoko or no Jaydon in my life but I have Jitko and I have Jaydon and they have nothing. My heart goes out to them in this situation. Doing everything possible to be able to go see them next month. Have this deep sadness at the bottom of my heart that December may be abit too late. Lord this is me trusting you for my miracle. Give us this opportunity to go and minister to the family in NZ when mum and them leave next week. Right now it will take a miracle but I am open to that. That phrase comes to mind but can't remember the rest of the verse. make a way Lord. Read today about Angels heeding the voice of his word. Coincides with what Ji was talking about last night about praying and asking God and then asking him to move his ministering angel to do that. So have prayed that and also spoken his ministering word out loud in faith, so now sitting here waiting for my miracle. Bring it!

Note Board 2

I can't be Quiet

“I can't be quiet! I am angry and bitter. I have to speak.” (Job 7:11 TEV)

Like Job we should be able to say anything to God. So how exactly am I feeling? I have no idea. What exactly do I want to say? I have no idea. Why why am I trying to say something? Because he is listening and he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If I don't say it to him then I won't be able to say it to anyone and while holding it all in I am bound to blow up or snap or say the wrong thing. So here I am un-cluttering again. Taking out everything inside of me, trying to clear things up and make space for something new. 
One thing I remember hearing at the arise Fiji the other night. Which by the way was amazing bordering on the lines of semi mediocre but preachings were good regardless. Pastor Pita Cili whom I have so much respect for and also Pastor Poate Mata amazing men of God that I found to be very spirit filled and in tune to what God had to say to them and through them to the nation. He said you can't give what you don't have. Amazing. If I don't have it in me, how can I give it?
So here I am making space in my life for God to fill me with something to give. What do I have to give?
So I'm not going to be quiet, I'm not going to hold it back in. I'm going to let it all out but take it to God because only he can sort it out for me, whatever it is that is making me agitated, restless, worn out and indifferent. I will therefore not be indifferent because being indifferent is in fact actually sinning.

NZ in October

May not be happening. Well maybe if I can get the washing machine sorted out we can still get our visas processed in time but right now it looks like a very likely "No Go". Which sucks because would have really loved to take Jaydon to meet the fam. We still have two weeks to go. anything is possible at this stage.
On that note while giving away a few of Jaydon's old clothes to workmates for his baby boy. He asked where do I buy Jaydon's clothes from that was when I realised that the only time I bought Jaydon's clothes was when he was born and recently a few t-shirts from Clarisa but otherwise all Jaydon's clothes are from overseas. Trues up! From his grand uncles and grand aunts and aunties. Gosh what a blessing and at two and a half he still has a whole bag of unopened clothes that I've put aside and also two drawers. One at the grandparents place and one at home and both are overflowing. Amazing!

My precious

Trying out a few potraits via photoshop. Such an amazing kid!

Incorrect input string error

Spent the last 3 days struggling with an incorrect input string error in my code. The error gave a hint that the Datetime variable may have been causing the issue. After changing and re-changing the code and the Datetime variable numerous times between string and Datetime and parsing and try Parse I found out from our consultant that it had nothing to do with the Datetime variable  but that some invisible characters were being passed through the url string for whatever reason. Bloody hell. Just glad I can move onto the next phase of programming this.

Traction

no more shooting blindly aiming at nothing in particular. Time to take stock. Reassess. Strategise and get results. Why are we doing what we are doing? What is our motives for doing it? What is our purpose. "For this cause"- What is the cause set before us. What do we need to realign and reassess. Where do we go from here. Back on course. So what is the course.
"Get traction, so you can progress forward.  Stop just running uncertainly.  Get the purpose, plan & strategy to reach a destination.  Don't just beat the air.  Land a punch, so obstacles are removed."
Time to move mountains. Mountain move now in Jesus name.

Surrender

Funny I was just listening to the song and this was sitting in my email.
A message from pastor Phil Pringle:

Rom 12:1 I Beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service

In the light of God giving His all for us, we should give our all to Him.  God is looking for our physical sacrifice, not just spiritual.  Serving God will always call for sacrifice.  There's always a price to the will of God.  No great destiny comes cheaply.  It's impossible to serve God without being separated to Him, set apart for His exclusive use.  What we present to God needs to work.  A phone with a dead battery is useless.  A car without wheels doesn't do what it's designed for. Paul says this is reasonable - that we live each day on the altar for God.  The fire of God only falls on us when we're on the altar!

Whatever it is I am sure God wants me to totally surrender it to him. Show me how Lord. Show me what. I pray! On a separate note I am sure he is using Galaxy note to write this. 

Weekend Rendezvous

Feeling a little too adventurous, Jaydon and I took a bus ride down to the Sofitel to visit the Brodies. Its was a great day. First we got out of the car to get into the minibus when it occurred to me that he was not wearing any shoes. Then we got of at work to pick up the package that I had forgotten in thenoffice. Then we went and looked all over Namaka for a pair of little boy shoes. How hard can it be to find them. They called us later to tell us they were at the resort. So we caught the bus down there. Jaydon loved every minute of it, wish I had brought my camera to capture it. Torika had hers and I totally love it. Check out these precious moments she captured 

Right before our little incident that is. Mr brave little one and wanted to follow the older kids was climbing over stones and not listening at one or two points when he headed all the way across the pool to the other side. I turned to see him gone, looking around to find him bopping up and down on the far end of the pool. No second thought I jumped in and ran- if you can call it running on water to the other end to pick him up. He was ok but he had nightmares that night waking up constantly to grab a hold of me. I hope there are no permanent psychological damages but I know my little boy is brave and I cannot imagine what I would have done had something more serious happened. I cannot imagine having to spend the rest of my life without my precious one. It then occurred to me, this is what happens when you are at the wrong place at the wrong time doing the wrong thing. I was supposed to be at a leader's meeting in church but being to my moment of wallowing I'd decided to skip the meeting instead and just go down to Nadi.

Slowly by Slowly

Slowly by slowly, little by little. Trusting God to make a way. To show us what exactly it is that he has put us here for, why and for who. Its not easy. There are moments of highs and moments of very bad lows but we will look up to the mountains where our help comes from. Our help comes from the Lord the maker of Heaven and earth. For whatever it is that he has put us here for we will trust only in him. Trusting in man has proven futile. Trusting in our own understanding, skills and knowledge has proven even more futile so Father I will trust in you. Show me your way. Guide me in your truth. lead me in your paths of righteousness for your name's sake. Help me to go on.
Its so so hard. Feels like I'm running in a losing race. Feels like there's no light at the end of the tunnel but I know my redeemer lives and my God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above anything that I could ask or imagine so I will trust in my God today. My god my refuge and my fortress. my God in him I will trust. my God you are so faithful. Teach me to hold on.

Oh what a night

Photos from the combine where we hosted the Play Fair Brazilian Soccer time. Awesome night of fellowship, lots of food and all glory be to God.

These guys did not come to Fiji to win, they came to Fiji to evangelise. We can come from whatever walks of life, whatever background but when we gather in the name of Jesus every tongue confesses that he is Lord to the glory of God the father, regardless or what language. Everything stands still in the presence of God. In unity praising God because it is all about him. The make of heaven and earth. All creation stand to declare his name for he is good and his mercy endures forever.

Another One for Fiji

Floating around youtube right now, the fijian girl with the big voice. Semaema Conford, her sad story and her beautiful voice. Way to go Semaema.

Fijian Cuisine

Congratulations to Mango cafe for putting its stamp on the world. Excellent article and awesome place to eat if you're in the Capital City. Miss the aroma of freshly ground coffee and smoothies and the homemade cakes and delicious Tiramisus.
One of the best parts of Suva and the market on a beautiful Saturday morning. Would do anything to be there right now but we're settled now. So to look forward to those many weekend rendezvous - Suva City. The Best of Fijian Cuisine - Robert Oliver and Manogo Cafe have done it, noting like delicious fijian food.

Overseas trips

5 overseas trips in 6 months. Times I wish I was a millionaire.
So there's that family reunion next month that I am still fretting about whether I have the money for it. And then there's Vimal's wedding which he will definitely kill me for if I do not attend. Then there's that conference in Feb and cuz wedding and then another conference. whoa! Lord order our steps. Please provide for the one that we need to be at. Lord if we have to be at all then please open that door and provide for all. I ask.

Emotions Running High

Went through a pretty emotional later part of last week. Emotions running wild. Spent the entire weekend wallowing and whining in my head and really just trying to tune it out. That didn't really work for me and I know that I have things that I need to deal with. A little blast from the past led to a situation that blew totally out of control and its affecting my thinking and way of doing things. I am supposed to be writing up a scope document for tomorrow's discussion but everything is on slow motion right now and my brain can't think. I think the verse that really puts into perspective what I need to do is:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

⁷ And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. ⁸ Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. ⁹ And He said to me,“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I had that thorn in the flesh and that thorn in the flesh has really taking every shot at me possible. I guess its even harder finding the thorn in the flesh in family. Sometimes its really difficult, I think Jitoko summed it last night. We spent the entire night pillow talk and he mentioned that I was trying to please people instead of God. I think he is right. I am trying to please family, I am trying to plese work, I am trying to please Change and it is all falling flat in my face. It is all winding me up and getting me frustrated because  am realising that I cannot please anyone and I'm finding that nothing I do will ever be good enough. So this thorn in the flesh moments is supposed to be good for me right? last night Jitoko said something to me that really got me angry but thinking at the same time. When I said time and time again he said well then maybe I need to change because if I don't change in the way I treat others I'll keep getting the same reactions and attitude from them. Whoa...what? yup...I got a if you keep doing what you're always doing then you will keep getting what you're always getting moment. So what is he saying? have I been doing the wrong thing? I thought I was treating everyone correctly. Is there even such a thing as treating people the wrong way? How exactly have I been treating people? What exactly do I need to change? What have I been doing wrong all this time that I need to do right? Reaction! Reactiong! Reaction...ok so I suppose I need to sort out how I react to things. How do I even start?

Azonto - Fiji Style

That bus driver that got in trouble with LTA. so funny. Only in Fiji.
But check it ouot already 18k hits on that video. Wish it would go viral.
Best way to promote Fiji...hehe

Them Today!

 My precious after the hair cut! Uros...Muah!