Dealing with things

Found out last weekend that my babysitter had been locking my son up in the house and going next door with food for a talanoa session until she knew it was almost time for me to come home then she's run back up to start the fire for the dog's food. The old lady next door was telling mum. Now that explains why the butter and the sugar and everything was finishing up so fast. I'm furious, i'm so angry I was practically ready to go and slap her on Sunday and yes she comes to our church calls herself a christian and was collecting $60 a week from us to be leaving my lil boy at home, eating and taking food from my hard earned sweat for her lil talanoa sessions. Still dealing with this but furious isn't the word to describe how I feel about it. Furious? now that's an understatement..how dare she? My poor son. I had seen the signs, I had sensed something up in those last 6 weeks. 6 weeks, shit. Al that trauma that my son had to endure, all that frustration he was holding on to. If only he could have formed the words to tell me exactly what he was going through. shit doesn't even describe how raged I am but I'm having to learn to just leave it to God. Fed up of leaving things to God and watching people get away with things, working all over us like that. When Lord, when are you going to move? When are we going to get that breakthrough. When are you going to do something so that people stop getting away with things. Believing in God for our breakthrough this week. That is the only thing that I can believe in and stand on, knowing that he will take care of us and the truth is in the middle of it all he has been so faithful, he does take care of us. 

These past two three weeks I've been asking myself whether it was a bad idea to move in with mum and dad. There is so much strifing, so much frustration, so much anger, bitterness, hatred. Its just wrong. Its not good for Jaydon, its not good for Jaydon. I'm learning all over again about honouring your parents, I guess running away from all this for the last 10years, now its time to face it and pray it away. its time all this fighting and hatred stops. So much for all that reconciliation session the other weekend. But I suppose in reality that reconciliation session was more for the sisters and now we have to pray for our parents. Their salvation, their redemption, their deliverance. Its so hard, how can I stand up and preach or teach or speak about God when I can't even show his love to my own father. Learning that he is getting old an senile and that its not him but the stroke that has made him snappy like he is right now but it hurts watching and listening to him react to every little thing mum does. Even thought about care giving this week. To have someone come in to help her clean him, bath him. its not going to improve the way he treats her but at least it  will give her a break and make life abit easier for her. My parents are now 70 years, for 30 years of his life all he's known is his alcohol. All his every been is an alcoholic. Now at 70 he doesn't know anything else except his Gin or whiskey. Even if he is tormenting Jaydon constantly, maybe some where in his mind he can't seem to see it that way. 3 things that I'm praying for regarding our breakthrough this week: 

- Dad's salvation

- Mum and dad no more striving, just love and restoration of their marriage and peace in the house. For once I would like to go home after a long bus ride to no fighting. 

- Bigger or better job opportunity for Jitoko, whether inside Datec in FEA or outside wherever. 

I can't believe I once wanted to work for Datec. So much corruption and dishonesty and bureaucracy everyone is just filling their own pockets and stomachs without any care or concern of staff welfare. 

This song really got me through these past two weeks and I'm so grateful for the man that God has placed in my life, I am more thankful and appreciative of him every single day and admire and respect his hard work and dedication regardless of what is expected of him.